In my first post I mentioned this being my shot at redemption. You might wonder what exactly I meant by that.Please let me elaborate.
When I was younger just out of the Army I enrolled at New England Institute of Technology to study Architectural Drafting. For the first couple of semesters I did ok between a part-time job and being at school full-time. I was going out with my high school sweetheart at the time who was going to University of Massachusetts in Amherst. I used to visit her on weekends or vacations whenever I could whenever I could. I believe she came up with the idea of getting an apartment close to her school. So we did. Of course the plan was that I would find a school close by and continue my studies. For one reason or another I never did get around to that plus their wasn't much that I could transfer to at that location. Paying rent and basic living expenses became the focus and so my schooling dropped from priority. After eventually falling behind in rent due to lack of work through a temporary agency we decided to both move out. Of course she went back to her parents and so did I. Unfortunately by that time my grace period for my student loans expired so I had to work to pay them in the mean time. I eventually went back to school again. For some reason it didn't work out and I dropped out again. Now student loan people were hounding me for money of course so I had to work full time to pay them.For some reason I decided to give school one more try but this time I decided to do a different major this time in Automotive/Autobody Technology(at the same school). I believe I made it through two semesters before dropping out a third time. By this time through confusion by my student loan creditors who for some reason didn't get my paperwork to defer my loan payments I was being hounded to pay back my loans of course. Shortly after my girlfriend(at the time) broke up and kicked me out our apartment. One of her complaints was that I had no goals and would end up in a dead end job. I felt like I was in between a rock and a hard place. Eventually we both moved on.
I ended up working various jobs until I'm where I'm at now. For years I partially blamed her for my past failures and for giving up on me. Can't say as I really blame her for I really didn't have a set goal in mind from the start. I lost sight I've my goal and I never found the focus again(until recently). She really wasn't wrong and she doesn't hold any of the blame. I made the decision to move and drop out originally. It was a poor decision at the time perhaps motivated by love(or lust) and not completely thinking things through.
In retrospect I can't say I total regret anything because if things had been different I would have never met my wonderful wife and have a son whom I wouldn't trade for anything. Now I'm a lot more focused on getting my degree to better my self and to perhaps set an example to my son on the importance of an education. Also to never give up your dreams. I will walk across that podium in about 4-5 years and accept my diploma and from there who knows perhaps I'll go for the next one.